


My heart won't let you go

by Youremyalways



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 5x01, Bellarke, F/M, Minorecho, Reunion, TheHundred, theark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 07:17:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14491701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youremyalways/pseuds/Youremyalways
Summary: The ark has been in space for six years. The crew has come together as their own little family, but when they are finally able to make contact with Clarke on the ground, the shock of her being alive forces Bellamy to finally deal with his guilt. Basically a reunion fic that doesn't entirely follow along with 5x01 but has some common threads. One-shot but may turn into ficlet who knows.





	My heart won't let you go

The Ground

Time was the hardest adjustment for Clarke. Even before the death wave struck the night and day had began to blend together. The skies were plagued by a thick, rusty orange haze of blood and fire. There were no clocks or calendars, no way to determine what day or time it was. Sleep happened when she started to feel tired and when she awoke, her living hell started all over again. It was a dreadful and gruesome life. For months she tried to make contact with the bunker, to talk to her friends in space, but all of her attempts failed and a response never came. She was beginning to lose her hope, and the thought of pulling a gun up to her temple came to her almost daily. Nonetheless she stood strong and kept moving, and as time went on, the light and dark began to balance each other once again. The night sky was lit up with stars and the sun shined once more. She found Madi and the two of them were able to manage their time and figure out approximately what hour of day it was by using shadows and the brightness of the sky.

She called to her friends every single day around 8:00 pm. She figured it was late enough that they wouldn’t be eating, but early enough that they wouldn’t be asleep or have any real work to do. She really didn’t know if they heard her messages, but she hoped they did. Well, that wasn’t completely true, there was really only one person she wanted to hear those recordings. He was her biggest regret.

Bellamy.

She knew him, she cared about him. Clarke was well aware that leaving her behind would crush him, and that crushed her. They were finally at a good place with each other, and Clarke would never get to tell him all of her deep thoughts about him. About them. She would never get to tell him that six years later, he was the reason she was still breathing. She would never be able to hug him again, to feel his thick, muscular arms wrap around her small frame in a comforting embrace. She would never be able to tell him she loved him. Every day away from him the hole in her heart grew larger. He was a piece of her and without him, it was like she was missing a limb. When she thought about the possibility that he could be dead, that’s the closest she got to pulling the trigger on her own head. She had to believe that he was alive, that he was okay. It was the only thing that kept her sane in this cruel world.

But god, she missed him so much.

“Clarke?” Madi’s young voice called from behind her.

“Mhm?” She hummed, waiting for her response.

Their relationship was complicated. It was clear from the beginning that Clarke wasn’t her mother. That was a responsibility she simply did not want to take on, she didn’t feel fit for it. When they first met they both knew that their only chance at survival was each other. If they were the only two people left on earth they needed to make it work. They shared a mutual respect for their fellow survivor and worked tirelessly to stay together. Of course, that was six years ago. Over time, respect turned to love and they became their own little family.

“What is that? Up there?” 

Clarke turned to face the young nightblood with furrowed eyebrows, curious to see whatever her companion saw that was new in their never changing environment. She was holding the telescope to her eye, a tool carefully crafted by Clarke during her first few months alone on the ravagenger planet. The blonde hastily stood up and raced next to Madi, practically ripping the telescope out of her hand and pressing it to her eye, studying the night sky. She was greeted with miles and miles of darkness, the blackness sweeping over her eyes like silk. 

“Do you see it?!” Madi pulled at her arm, excitement in her voice.

“Madi I don’t know what your talki-” And there it was.

Clarke felt her stomach drop, her breath quickening. Among the vast skies of stars was a small shape. It was different than all the stars surrounding it, darker in color but still apparent. Larger than the other stars. It was a ring, a large, lit up ring. The arc.

“Madi, get me the radio.” Clarke instructed with fiery passion in her voice.

The arc hadn’t been visible in six years, which means it was getting closer. This was her window. If they were closer to earth then ever before, than perhaps the arc was finally in range. The thought of hearing Bellamy’s voice lit her up inside. The thought of hearing anyone’s voice aside from hers and Madi’s made her heart race.

“Clarke!” Madi was already racing forward with the radio, which was producing static.

It had never done that before.

Clarke sprinted towards the young girl and rapidly pressed down on the comm. Button.

“Ark station come in! Come in Ark station!” She screamed, holding it close to her mouth and pulling Madi into her arms.

“Please, please! I need you!”

Minutes passed by with no answer and Clarke felt like she was being punched in the gut, all her hopes ripped away from her for the thousandth time.

“Ark Station! Ark Station come in!”

Her hopes were faltering, her heart feeling like it weighed ten tons. Why did she let herself get her hopes up? After all this time how could she let herself imagine? She fell to her knees with a bang and just a few seconds later came the one word that changed anything...

“Hello?!”

 

The Ark

They’d been trying to contact the ship across the Earth’s orbit for days now. It was complete radio silence but at least it gave them something to work on while trapped in a giant metal death machine. Five years of waiting followed by another year of frustration and lost hope really begins to wear down the soul. They weren’t making any progress and every day got harder. Bellamy was working on fixing the comm system nonstop. He wouldn’t take a break to eat or even go to the bathroom. The group supposed it was because he had the most to fight for. His sister was down there, and for all he knew she was dead along with the rest of the hundreds under the ground. He also seemed to have this immense fear that if they failed, they would be spitting on Clarke’s legacy. 

“Bellamy, we’ve been at it for nearly six hours. You need to take a break. It’s almost 8:00, the rest of us are heading down for the night.” Raven walked up to the tall brunette male, whose face was just about buried in the motherboard of the comm. System.

“Raven, I can’t sleep right now.”

“Nothing’s going to change overnight. Listen, I know you’re worried about your sister. I get it, okay? But you need to sleep, so you can be at 100% when we work on this piece of shit again tomorrow, alright?” 

He leaned his forehead against his arm for a brief moment, “It’s not that, I just… I can’t sleep right now.”

“Alright,” She sighed, walking around the comms area and dragging a chair in front of Bellamy to sit down, “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“I’m a hypocrite, that’s what’s wrong. I went to Murphy’s room and yelled at him because he wanted to be a hero, I told him that up here there are no heroes. But really, it’s not John that feels worthless, it’s me. I couldn’t… I couldn’t save Clarke. Up here, I’m nothing and everyday I get so fucking scared that…” He drifted off, realizing he was about to expose his greatest secret.

“Hey, you know you can trust me by now right?” She tapped his thigh gently in a joking, friendly manner, “You can tell me what you’re scared of.”

“Raven,” His voice cracked, looking away from her face and swallowing hard, “I’m so scared that I’m going to forget her.”

“Never, Bellamy.” She said almost immediately.

“It’s like everyday her face fades away a little bit. I’m terrified that one day I’ll wake up and I won’t remember what she looks like, what her voice sounds like. The only thing keeping me sane is that she didn’t die in vain, she doesn’t deserve this.”

“Bellamy listen to me, You’re right okay? Clarke didn’t deserve what she got. She deserved to live and grow up and not die before age twenty. But her sacrifice, that was her choice. That kind of choice is what made her Clarke. Now look, I don’t know why you feel like her death was your fault, or why you think you owe her a debt, but if she was here, she would tell you it wasn’t your fault.”

“I miss her. Six years later I thought I would be numb to it by now, but I still miss her. I’ve been with Echo for three years and I still can’t get that damn blonde hair out of my head.”

“It’s natural to grieve. I still miss her too. I still miss Finn. This life is crazy, and we knew from the get-go that we would lose people along the way. But we’re still here, so why exhaust ourselves and push our bodies to the limit? Bellamy you are not worthless, you are special. Now go to bed so that brain of yours can shut up, alright?”

He nodded and slowly stood up from where he was seated, turning his back to Raven and heading down the hallway, but not before turning to her one last time.

“And Raven,”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Always with you, remember?” She smiled and the two comrades made their way to their bedrooms.

Not five minutes later the two of them were tucked away in their beds, listening to the silent peace of space as they drifted off into their individual dreamlands. However, not all seven of them were asleep in their rooms. There was one individual that was still roaming the halls, haunted by his traumatic nightmares. 

So thank the lord for John Murphy. 

Thank the lord that John Murphy happened to be walking by the communications desk when a certain blonde from Earth decided to make her call. 

Just as he rounded the corner to the room he heard, “Ark Station! Ark Station come in!”

His heart began racing, a loud, throbbing pain in his chest. Six years without communication from the outside world and here it was. They did it, they finally made contact with somebody. But who?

“Code red! Code red!” Murphy screamed at the tops of his lungs, making sure that his sleeping friends could hear him a few hallways away.

His next move was to run to the comms and make contact before they lost it.

“Hello?!”

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” He heard a feminine voice start sobbing on the other side.

“This is John Murphy Ark Station, we are on the ship to your southwest! Can you hear me? Who am I speaking with?”

The rest of the crew came racing into the room, sleepy eyes widening in shock at the revelation of Murphy talking through the comm. System to an outside source. Bellamy ran up next to him followed by Raven and Monty. Emori, Harper and Echo stayed glued to the floor right in front of the station. They hadn’t experienced a code red the entire time they were on board the ark. Code red was emergency, but now they realized it was John’s quickest way of getting their attention and presence. 

“Murphy?! Murphy, It’s Clarke!” She hollered.

The room fell eerily silent, Bellamy’s jaw dropping, heart falling with it. It was like getting the wind kicked right out of him. His head started pounding and it was like all of sudden he didn’t know where he was. Like the moment right before the drop on a roller coaster. Adrenaline flooded his veins and he needed to reach out and grip onto the chair to his left in order to ground himself. An intense wave of nausea rocketed through him and reality was completely ripped from his hands. Six years of grief just fell to the floor. He dropped to his knees, completely speechless. The rest of the group was in shock, everything they thought was true torn to pieces in a matter of seconds.

“Oh my god, You’re alive!” Murphy shouted, scanning the room and seeing nothing but tears and open mouths.

“Yeah, yeah I survived. I’m okay. Is everybody up there…”

“Everyone is alive, we’re all here Clarke!” And that might have been the first time John Murphy smiled in over six years. 

“Murphy is…” She didn’t even have to finish her sentence, anyone in their right mind would know what Clarke needed right about now.

“He’s here. Get off your ass, Bellamy.” Murphy turned his attention to the tall brunette on the floor, jaw in a frozen, dropped state.

It looked like he was in shock, but after a few seconds he was finally able to get to his feet and reach out for the radio, pressing it down with too much pressure, gripping to it like a lifeline. Right now it was the only thing keeping him from passing out, or crying, or both. 

“Clarke?” He expected the name to feel foreign on his tongue, not being spoken in years except in memory, but it was warm and homely instead.

“Bellamy, oh my god you have no idea what it’s like to hear your voice.” She laughed but he could hear the raw emotion behind her facade.

“I bet you I do, princess.” The word rolled off his tongue before his brain could even process it.

He had forgotten about that nickname. It was one of those things he was talking to Raven about, the little things he didn’t want to forget, but here it was again. God, she was alive. She was living, breathing Clarke Griffin. He missed that voice. If only he could see her face, that gorgeous blonde hair and intriguing blue eyes.

“Okay but how the hell are you alive? I’m glad you are don’t get me wrong, but damn Clarke six years?!” Raven jumped in front of Bellamy and inquired, her curiosity getting the better of her.

That thought sickened him to his stomach. Clarke was by herself for six years, and that was enough time to drive anyone insane. Even if she managed to survive the initial death blow, there was no food or clean water for miles. How could she not have died one way or another all by herself out there? Because she’s Clarke fucking Griffin, he smirked to himself.

“The nightblood worked. I was fixing the satellite and it wouldn’t work so I had to get up higher. Ten minutes were already up so I didn’t really have anything to lose. I climbed to the top of the satellite tower and adjusted the dish until the signal went through. It shut off before I could tell, I was pretty sure all of you guys were dead. That I killed you. Anyway, I made it back to the dropship but I was already affected, cysts and choking up blood and then I passed out, thought it was over. Woke up who knows how long after and lived in the rover for about a year trying to find any place salvageable.”

“You lived in the freaking rover? What did you eat?” Monty jumped in.

“We’ll just say it was not algae. Anyway, that’s when I found my little spot of green, and along with that I found Madi. She was six years old when I found her, 12 now. If not for her I can say for certain i’d be dead.”

“Can we have a minute, guys?” Bellamy looked between his little crew family and they all nodded their agreement.

Echo gave him a rather inquisitive look but nonetheless agreed and followed the others into the hallway.

“Bellamy? Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah . No, you know what, it’s not okay. I promised your mom I wouldn’t let anything happen to you and then I left you behind to die. I shouldn’t have left you. I’m so sorry Clarke.”

“You did what you had to do. There was no other choice to make, Bell. It was seven versus one. I could never blame you for making that decision. What else could you have done?”

“I could’ve stayed back with you. I could’ve not let you be alone. God, Clarke i imagined you dying a thousand different times and I can’t… I shouldn’t have left you all alone.”

“Bellamy if you stayed behind I would have just had to watch you die. That crew up there needed you and they still do. Head and heart right? You are the only one that could’ve been their leader.”

“I missed you.”

“I miss you. So are you guys coming down anytime soon or?”

“We don’t exactly have enough fuel at the moment. We’ll figure it out, we always do.”

“And Bellamy, about the bunker,”

His heart dropped then. He couldn’t bear hearing anything bad about the state of the bunker and his sister, this had already been too trying of a day, he didn’t think he could handle any more.

“I dug for months, there was just too much rubble for one person to dig through, I’m sorry. I can’t get to them.”

“It’s not our fault, you hear me? None of this is your fault.”

“I’m so glad your alive. It makes it all worth it.”

“I know the feeling princess.” There it was again.

“I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but I missed that.”

“I almost forgot about it.” Slight lie, but that’s okay.

“Bellamy?”

“Yeah?”

“Tell me about space.”

“Alright, well that story starts with you saving our asses…”

That conversation went on for hours, both laughing and crying and sharing the last six years with each other. It was incredible, how easily they fit back into their flow of conversation. All of a sudden it was like they hadn’t missed a beat. Here they were having a deep conversation with the person they thought to be a ghost. 

And as the night went on and the sun began to rise, Clarke was able to say for the first time in six years, without a doubt, that everything was going to be okay.


End file.
